Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Hello Can You hear Me?

Well it is 10 days and counting and still no answer as to whether or not we have the house. The first house we went and looked and and it fell through. Also because of the market percentage went up and up for the deposit and now another comes in about credit.

MAN ALIVE!!! How many more things can come up in 2 months. Our family has been sick and discouraged yet I still cling on. I cant tell you how many ibuprofen I have popped due to this and the anxiety level being in an all time high.

Fears, worries creep in....Abba what is going on ...hello...can you hear me?

Disappointment after disappointment seems to stream out.

Where will we go? What will we do?

We have been down every road to make this happen and it keeps getting blocked. As it stands now my family and I do not have a home.

I laugh at people who tell me don't stress and don't worry.

That is easy to say when your home is not being taken out from under your feet.

That is easy when you have a job to go to in the AM.

That is easy when life seems good and then as usual we tend to forget the one who allowed us to go through this.

Am I upset...yes

Am I angry....YES...

Am I under

This is the time of realizing how small we are and how big He is.

This is the time when you realized He has the cards and has always had the cards.

This is when we realize that he only lets us peek once in a while to let us have that boost of confidence.

Only to be humbled and realized we only peeked at was is His.

I don't expect people to understand what I am writing about.

I can barely explain it myself. The realization of Him having all control and myself not having any control except for the decision as to whether or not I choose to cry out to Him.

I cry...Hello...Can You Hear Me Abba?

It matters not the outcome at this point because the only reality is, is that I control nothing and am very small and He is very Big and I so much need to feel comfort from Him right now...

But if He doesn't allow this to happen Toda Abba....I still seek for you and cry out to you.

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One's belief in God must come through faith and not because of miracles. "Rebbe Nachman of Breslov"