Well I must say that my day has ended beautifully. I think of how things were a year ago and B'H' Things have changed so much. Today for the first time in in our marriage of 11 years my beloved and I took the children to a hill that is about a block from our home. It was late and in homeschooling there are no snow days. But they beauty is being spontaneous and just doing things without a thought. We bundled the children and ourselves and headed for the hill. It first began with a snowball, the a snow man, and jumped into sledding. No I am not talking about just my children I speak of my beloved and myself.
Marriage is hard and long and tough. But...it has its moments that can never be forgotten.
There is a song by Sheryl Crow that states "we can live lifetimes in a single day" how true it is. I remember the suffering that my beloved and I have gone through and the pain and sweat and literally blood and tears.
How far we have come and grown.
Today we lived a lifetime. Today we laughed, smiled and played in a way that I don't think we have ever done. As I look at marriages around me and watch them fall apart for reasons I cant seem to fathom anymore. I cannot understand how people can live together for years and still be with a stranger.
What does one want?
The question is what should one give?
Many people know my story and know how my beloved and I have struggled.
I do not claim to have the perfect marriage.
But it is perfect for me.
He is perfect for me.
I didn't repair my marriage. I began a new one but with the same man.
I don't remember what happened the last 11 years. It seems so long ago as if it were a different life. I look back and see different people so foreign to me.
Who was my beloved?
Who was I?
Can a person truly get past the pain of the past?
My husband asked me how did I do it?
How did I forgive and continue?
The only answer I gave him is forgive what?
I don't acknowledge yesterday. It is gone and I will never have to deal with it again.
Rebbe Nachman says that start anew at this very moment as if you did not do anything wrong and it is so true with everything.
There truly is peace in forgiveness. Not just for the person you are forgiving but more so for yourself.
Every day I am married anew with my beloved and yes we have disagreements and petty arguments. But it is a new one. This is a new day to love and share and grow and learn.
But I would say the secret is being a family. Not just living in a home and having separate lives. This is including the children. But being a family, talking, sharing, laughing, and yes having a snowball fight. Go down the hill with a sled and race with your children, Make a snowman or build a fort with your beloved. Because time passes quickly and you may never have that opportunity again,
I know you may think well you don't know my husband or wife. you don't know what I have been through but reality is, is that that statement is irrelevant. If your beloved is your sou correction then learn from your beloved. The good and the negative traits. There is something to be learned and the sooner you learn it the sooner your marriage can grow. And then you can have a snowball fight!
Ahh who knows I may be wrong...may be..maybe not.