Chayei Sarah

I found it interesting about this weeks Parsha that when Isaac's Mother had passed away is when they sent Eliezer to look for a wife for him. I wonder why was it at that time? Rivka had the same gift as Sara did. The gift of having the Shekinah over her tent and also the fact that her candles went from Shabbat to Shabbat. Plus many more...
Where am I going for with this. Well am I a woman good enough for my son. Does my son deserve a woman like me?
Could it be the opposite. Maybe he deserves a better woman than myself.
I know what type of person I am, my past and present mistakes.
So am I the type of woman at the moment that I would want for my son.
It is at this moment that I cling to Hashem and pray and beg that I would be a better mother and better wife so that my son would look for that in a wife.
Unfortunately at this moment I must say G-d forbid he have a wife as I am. I would want better for him. But Rivka like Sara. She had the fear of Hashem and truly adored Hashem and served Hashem Thank G-d that my son is still too young to even think about marriage.
It gives me a little (not much) time to get myself together and show him of what to look for in a wife and also a mother for his children.

Man I have a lot fo Work .

But the beauty is the awareness to strive and do better and be better not just for my children but for my beloved husband who tolerates so much of me.
Just thought I would share this little insight.

Binding to the Tzaddik

In Reading that I have been doing I have always heard people about binding themselves to a Tzaddik. I usually would in my mind argue the idea. But as I have been learning more and more how true this saying is. We all need guidance of some sort. Even the greatest people to have walked needed guidance. As i learn more I accept the fact that only those who think they know everything do not neeed anything. And even the strangest peopple or people who you would not expect can guide you.
I heard a story about a Rebbe who went to Yerushalayim and he came to a place where chidlren were playing. He asked them which way could he get in. The child told him there are 2 ways. The short and the long way and the long and the short way. The Rebbe thought to himself what does that mean? ANd went on his way. He decided to take the short and long way. When he got there he realized that he could not pass because there were thorns and thistles in the way. He went back and asked the child what do you mean the long and short way and short and long way? I could not get in. The child said, "I did not lie. There are 2 way. The short and long way is that to get to your destination was quick but you could not enter. The way long and short way is a longer distance to travel but you can enter.
EMET!!!
I have been on my road for almost 10 years of returning and everytime that I am almost there an obstacle comes in my way. I realized that I want to take the short and long way. But Hashem Blessed be He wants me to take the long and short way. It may be 10 more years until I finally get to my destination but the beauty is is that in the end I will get in.
Where do the Tzadik's come in? These are the mile markers on the road that lead us in the right direction. These are the ones who are showing us the way to get there. Although the road may be long if it wasn't for mile markers we would not know how far it is for the destination.