We take it all for granted...

It's not until things are gone that we realize that we take things for granted. Even if they are gone for just a moment. As everyone who knows me personally know the situation my husband and I face.
Tonight has been a repeat of many nights.
The Dr.s told my beloved that he would be paralyzed by the age of 35.
Well they were wrong.
He is 36 and still walking.
But what brings me to this?
Tonight has been a repeat of many nights.
Tonight I had to put the children to bed.
Tonight I had to help my husband to bed.
Tonight I had to get his drink of juice.
Tonight I had to help him undress.
Tonight I had to try and bring curculation to his legs.
Tonight I will be alone in my room because he cannot go up the stairs.
I am not writing for pity or a miracle.
I write for prayers to give me strength to help him.
Strength to endure this even if it is only for a moment.
It is when this happens when you think of the silly things that we take for granted on a daily basis like our evening walks.
Him running with the children or rollerblading.
Our loved ones should not be taken for granted and if they are we need to ask ourselves do we really love them properly?
Why do we have to wait until things are going wrong that we have to reflect?
Why does Hashem have to constantly give us a wake up call?
Why can we not just stand back and see all the glory and real beauty in our lives.
We are abundant with blessings.
I thank Hashem for reminding me.
I thank Hashem that he gave me such a wonderful husband and father for my children.
This is a tribute to him not when it is too late. But just in time.
I am my beloved and my beloved is mine.
What does that really mean?
I don't see it as an ownership of one to the other.
I see it as a connecton between two people that is unbreakable.
We feel what they feel.
We see what they see.
We love what they love.
We are united as one being.
We are what they are.
I think that Hashem knew this can happen between two beings We and our spouses but most importantly Hashem with Us.
He feels what we feel.
He see what we see.
He loves what we Love.
He is united to us as One.
He is what we are.
Hashem feel,see,love, and be my beloved with myself and my beloved.
Most of all Hashem give me stregth to not take you or my beloved for granted.

Sledding, Snowball fights and 11 years of Marriage.

Well I must say that my day has ended beautifully. I think of how things were a year ago and B'H' Things have changed so much. Today for the first time in in our marriage of 11 years my beloved and I took the children to a hill that is about a block from our home. It was late and in homeschooling there are no snow days. But they beauty is being spontaneous and just doing things without a thought. We bundled the children and ourselves and headed for the hill. It first began with a snowball, the a snow man, and jumped into sledding. No I am not talking about just my children I speak of my beloved and myself.
Marriage is hard and long and tough. But...it has its moments that can never be forgotten.
There is a song by Sheryl Crow that states "we can live lifetimes in a single day" how true it is. I remember the suffering that my beloved and I have gone through and the pain and sweat and literally blood and tears.
How far we have come and grown.
Today we lived a lifetime. Today we laughed, smiled and played in a way that I don't think we have ever done. As I look at marriages around me and watch them fall apart for reasons I cant seem to fathom anymore. I cannot understand how people can live together for years and still be with a stranger.
Why?
What does one want?
The question is what should one give?
Many people know my story and know how my beloved and I have struggled.
I do not claim to have the perfect marriage.
But it is perfect for me.
He is perfect for me.
I didn't repair my marriage. I began a new one but with the same man.
I don't remember what happened the last 11 years. It seems so long ago as if it were a different life. I look back and see different people so foreign to me.
Who was my beloved?
Who was I?
Can a person truly get past the pain of the past?
My husband asked me how did I do it?
How did I forgive and continue?
The only answer I gave him is forgive what?
I don't acknowledge yesterday. It is gone and I will never have to deal with it again.
Rebbe Nachman says that start anew at this very moment as if you did not do anything wrong and it is so true with everything.
There truly is peace in forgiveness. Not just for the person you are forgiving but more so for yourself.
Every day I am married anew with my beloved and yes we have disagreements and petty arguments. But it is a new one. This is a new day to love and share and grow and learn.

But I would say the secret is being a family. Not just living in a home and having separate lives. This is including the children. But being a family, talking, sharing, laughing, and yes having a snowball fight. Go down the hill with a sled and race with your children, Make a snowman or build a fort with your beloved. Because time passes quickly and you may never have that opportunity again,

I know you may think well you don't know my husband or wife. you don't know what I have been through but reality is, is that that statement is irrelevant. If your beloved is your sou correction then learn from your beloved. The good and the negative traits. There is something to be learned and the sooner you learn it the sooner your marriage can grow. And then you can have a snowball fight!

Ahh who knows I may be wrong...may be..maybe not.

Shalom, Leah

Criticism

I know there are times when we feel that we have the right to criticise our children. But I have learned that there is no point at any time when we are able to criticize out children because the damage is irreparable. We have been blessed with this beautiful gift of a child and think that as they get older they can handle the rejection of society so we decide to become that voice. How wrong we are to take that approach. We can look for logical ways to sit here and justify why we criticize. But lets not leave it at just our children that are younger let's look at them when they are grown. We can easily justify that snapping at them and telling them how disappointed we are or what ever it is. Let's look out our spouses the ones that we are quickly to devour with unkind words and criticism. I fight with this on a daily basis for I feel that I can justify my actions because my own stresses and nothing is further from the truth.
Our Little children need to grow in an environment where there is love and respect and kind words. Then to our surprise the children are fighting with each other and we wonder why would you treat you brother or sister like that. Where did they learn it from? You guessed it right there at home with Mom and Dad.
Woman how do you expect your daughter to marry. Think of the example you have set and then ask yourself again. I have taught my daughter to be strong and independent. I look back and regret. I taught to be independent not a team player. Marriage and Family is a team. Not an independent entity.
She is older now and soon will be smitten and in love and ready to marry. What am I giving her husband? Will he be disappointed on what I have set before past the pretty eyes and smile. Does he have a woman who will love him and embrace him and give him a home of Shalom Bayit?
Will my Boys grow up to be men who cherish and respect and honor their wives. Or will they throw a tantrum the minute things do not go their way? Or feel hey have the right to be mean because of what they feel hey deserve in life.
Oh Hashem have mercy on us all and for the sake of the future of Israel may other Mother's have the same plea as myself. Gaurd them, Love them, Cherish them. Do not criticize your family because what comes out of your mouth IS what comes to pass. G-d Forbid.
Speak good things and speak kindly and nurture them with love and gentleness.

Time Out

Funny thing happened this weekend . My beloved and I talked about time out. Time out for ourselves to clear our heads and also to regain our focus. But after talking with him Hashem truly touched my heart.
Many married people look for extra curricular activities and really when we look at them those time out moments they really are an escape. An escape from our lives.
Now don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with doing things outside of the home but we need to really check our hearts and ask ourselves why do we need this?
I had to ask my beloved and explain to him. I don't want time out. I am married and there really is no such thing as time out except when we are to do Hitbodedut.
That is not time out that is time with Hashem. That truly should be the only thing that takes us away from our beloved.
I have realized over the years when I needed time out I really needed time away and an escape.
I am married... I have children. I don't need time out... I need time in. Time in with Abba Blesses be He.

Answer

Dedicated to Ahuvi

Title: Sarah McLachlan - Answer Lyrics

I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can't look down
If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to aPlace so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight
If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end'
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all burned out
You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind

Welcome Home

Well it a has been a long 2 months since my beloved is gone and Todah Abba he is coming home this evening. I as well as the children are excited. We are planning a big dinner and cake and ice cream to Welcome Daddy home. He is truly ready to come home and as our phone conversations became more and more saddened from our separation from each other the beauty is the countdown until he gets here. Bezerat Hashem this day will fly by and we will have a great reunion.

Women and her friends (Speaking about the Husband)

I must say that I myself have been guilty of this terrible act. As you noticed I have placed some lessons about speaking evil. But the one thing that woman have a tendency of doing and sometimes not even realizing is the speech concerning her husband.
We go to our friends with our problems and I have noticed on countless amount of times when I ask them if they confronted their husband and spoke to them they say Oh he never listens to me and I ahve said it a thousand times to him. And complain til the cows come home with a bitter taste in their mouths.
They continue to go and tell the same story to all their friends and place themselves as a victim in the circumstance.
But, my question is did you go to the only true friend you have concerning your husband?
Did you go to Hashem and pour your heart out and ask why is he doing this or help him? Have you broken your heart to Hashem concerning this? Have you cried out to him from the depths of you soul?
You see it is easy to go to a girlfriend and talk about your husband. You can offend and most likely he will never find out. But that friend goes to another and another and one does not know the damage one is causing to one's spouse. The negativity that one speaks about one's husband is a thing that you will see come to flourish. You speak it enough and it will come to pass.
But if you go to Hashem and complain about him I guarantee He will not stand for you talking about His son that way. He will ask you what have you done to help him correct this problem. Hashem knows the whole story. We are not victims to Him. We are just as guilty.
I have been trying to speak only positive things about my beloved. And if any negative come up I talk to my Father and Best friend and Tell him why is this happening and what do I need to learn from it.
You see we are the mirror of them. We are a reflection of our beloved. So before you go off and complain to your friends look in the mirror and talk to Hashem and ask Him to show you what it is you must learn and do not...DO NOT go and tell other people who are outside of your home unless it is someone qualified to give you
a. the proper advice according to Torah ( Biblical)
b. the proper spiritual advice
That should always be the last resort. If you have gone to Hashem and He has led you this way then good. But first, go to Hashem and tell Him about it not your girlfriends.

Shhhhhhh.....

I have been married for some time now and my beloved all though he is not home at the moment it has given me the opportunity to really reflect on my marriage and my part in it.

In my mind stay the haunting words "your spouse is your soul correction"

Why can't I let this go?

So I made a list of good attributes of my beloved. I also mad e a list of not so good attributes of myself. As I continued on I realized what my first attribute of my husband was. Soft Spoken. And I look over on mine and noticed that my first not so good attribute was Loud.
Can I tell you that hit me like a ton of bricks. WOW!!!
He is soft spoken and I am loud.
I always admired my husband for being so quiet and speaking only what he felt he had to say and nothing more and tried so many times to be more like him.
It has really brought me to an interesting point in my life.
Which brings me to the next point.
It is funny how many times I have friends come to me or complete strangers complain about their beloved.
It is one thing to acknowledge your unhappiness and that it is really your own unhappiness and ahs nothing to do with him( my own issue) But it is another thing to bash him mercillessly as he sits miles away wondering why his ears are ringing.
Do not get me wrong I am guilty as the next person. But that is the point I am guilty.
Our mouths can build or destroy.
I have had people come up to me and say what an honor it is to meet me and I look at them funny. We know your husband and he speaks nothing but highly about you...every single person including family and friends stated they have never heard my beloved say one negative thing about but continues to say all faults are his.
WHAM right in the kisser.
He is my soul correction as much as I am his and the interesting part is that the first thing that Hashem has shown me is my mouth.
How I truly would like to be as my beloved who does not say anything negative about me. It has been a burden in my heart to be more like him. To take the soul correction that Hashem is using him for.

Hopefully I can be an example to my children to only speak when necessary not just necessarily
speak

Marriage

I was at my family reunion this weekend and unfortunately without my beloved. My dear brother works diligently everyday. He has never been married and has no children of his own. He is very wealthy but told me how tortured his soul is. Yet, my grandmother was there and was married for 60 years.

What is the secret to this?

The day my grandfather passed away my grandmother cried and said her soul hurted. (Not her heart....her soul)

What does that mean?

I had to sit back and think about this. I go through my day always struggling within my self. I looked at my brother and said we live in a day where people do not love completely. We love with standards and precedence. We look at our spouse and pick apart every flaw and detail.
I will love him if........
I will stay with him if....
But if he doesn't do what I want from him I will leave him
My grandmother never did anything in her life except love completely. .She loved her husband and her children with every ounce of her being and is a lovely wise woman today.
Please click here for that article.
Woman please look at what we are teaching our children.
We expect a certain thing and then if they do not comply we separate. I know for I have been separated before.
Can we sit here and consciously say that we truly love our husbands?
If they do not comply with what your idea is of what a husband should be do you threaten to leave him?
I am not speaking of a dangerous or destructive relationship. Those are ones that one should not even attempt.
But, my beloved was not with me and I could only think of how I felt so lost without him there. I realized that when they are not with you is when you think of the ways you could have done it different so that maybe they would have been there.
My heart breaks when I see marriages fall apart because one person will not bend. When you have 2 people who will not give in and show kindness and love we are showing our children to be numb in a numb society. Eventfully the society will be so numb that the most awful things will become the norm.
Hashem said that the two shall become one (not just in flesh but also in spirit and soul) henceforth our soul mate.
The soul mate is not meant to be perfect. They are our soul correction. They are what make us grow with them and Hashem.
If they did everything we wanted we would still find a flaw. For then we would not grow in Torah! Our families would not excel. Why would we cry out to Hashem if he did everything we wanted? Henceforth there would be no need to cry out to Hashem.
In The Fall Hashem cursed each one. The Man, the Woman, and the Serpent. Look at the curses.

Man Could still cry out to Hashem for need of his Livelihood.

Woman would still cry out to Hashem from her pain and suffering.

The serpent will never cry out for it does not need Hashem. It is separated from Hashem and will eat the dirt and never be able to lift up it's head and cry out to Hashem.

The next time your Husband does not comply with what it is that you want. Thank Hashem that he loved you enough to show that your soul needs correction.

Evaluate why this is happening? It's ok to ask Hashem why? What is Hashem trying to showing me?What is in my husband that I am not seeing in myself? How can I accept with love the soul correction? How can I do better?

Oh Hashem how I love you....How much Hashem loves me to pick this husband for me that would help me to grow. To become a better mother,, wife, friend, nursemaid...etc...

Love your husbands, pray for your husbands and most of all set the examples. Teach your children how much we love our spouses so they in turn will accept the soul correction of their spouse(soul mate)

Shalom

I am my beloved (the Bashert/ Soulmate)

According to the Talmud, Rav Yehuda taught that 40 days before a male child is conceived, a voice from heaven announces whose daughter he is going to marry, literally a match made in heaven! In Yiddish, this perfect match is called "bashert," a word meaning fate or destiny. The word "bashert" can be used to refer to any kind of fortuitous good match, such as finding the perfect job or the perfect house, but it is usually used to refer to one's soul mate. There are a number of statements in the Talmud that would seem to contradict the idea of bashert, most notably the many bits of advice on choosing a wife. Nevertheless, the idea has a strong hold within the Jewish community: look at any listing of Jewish personal ads and you're bound to find someone "Looking for my bashert."
Finding your bashert doesn't mean that your marriage will be trouble-free. Marriage, like everything worthwhile in life, requires dedication, effort and energy. Even when two people are meant for each other, it is possible for them to ruin their marriage. That is why Judaism allows divorce.
Although the first marriage is bashert, it is still possible to have a good and happy marriage with a second spouse. The Talmud teaches that G-d also arranges second marriages, and a man's second wife is chosen according to his merits.
How do you know if you have found your bashert? Should you hold off on marrying someone for fear that the person you want to marry might not be your bashert, and there might be a better match out there waiting for you? The traditional view is that you cannot know who your bashert is, but once you get married, the person you married is by definition your bashert, so you should not let concerns about finding your bashert discourage you from marrying someone.
And while we're on the subject of G-d arranging marriages, I should share this delightful midrash: it is said that a Roman woman asked a rabbi, if your G-d created the universe in six days, then what has he been doing with his time since then? The rabbi said that G-d has been arranging marriages. The Roman woman scoffed at this, saying that arranging marriages was a simple task, but the rabbi assured her that arranging marriages properly is as difficult as parting the Red Sea. To prove the rabbi wrong, the Roman woman went home and took a thousand male slaves and a thousand female slaves and matched them up in marriages. The next day, the slaves appeared before her, one with a cracked skull, another with a broken leg, another with his eye gouged out, all asking to be released from their marriages. The woman went back to the rabbi and said, "There is no god like your G-d, and your Torah is true."
May Hashem bless my Beloved in his time away from home. We miss him dearly.