Criticism

I know there are times when we feel that we have the right to criticise our children. But I have learned that there is no point at any time when we are able to criticize out children because the damage is irreparable. We have been blessed with this beautiful gift of a child and think that as they get older they can handle the rejection of society so we decide to become that voice. How wrong we are to take that approach. We can look for logical ways to sit here and justify why we criticize. But lets not leave it at just our children that are younger let's look at them when they are grown. We can easily justify that snapping at them and telling them how disappointed we are or what ever it is. Let's look out our spouses the ones that we are quickly to devour with unkind words and criticism. I fight with this on a daily basis for I feel that I can justify my actions because my own stresses and nothing is further from the truth.
Our Little children need to grow in an environment where there is love and respect and kind words. Then to our surprise the children are fighting with each other and we wonder why would you treat you brother or sister like that. Where did they learn it from? You guessed it right there at home with Mom and Dad.
Woman how do you expect your daughter to marry. Think of the example you have set and then ask yourself again. I have taught my daughter to be strong and independent. I look back and regret. I taught to be independent not a team player. Marriage and Family is a team. Not an independent entity.
She is older now and soon will be smitten and in love and ready to marry. What am I giving her husband? Will he be disappointed on what I have set before past the pretty eyes and smile. Does he have a woman who will love him and embrace him and give him a home of Shalom Bayit?
Will my Boys grow up to be men who cherish and respect and honor their wives. Or will they throw a tantrum the minute things do not go their way? Or feel hey have the right to be mean because of what they feel hey deserve in life.
Oh Hashem have mercy on us all and for the sake of the future of Israel may other Mother's have the same plea as myself. Gaurd them, Love them, Cherish them. Do not criticize your family because what comes out of your mouth IS what comes to pass. G-d Forbid.
Speak good things and speak kindly and nurture them with love and gentleness.

My brother

Hey Bro now you can't say that I didnt write something about you :)
I was talking to my brother last night and we spoke about a very touchy subject. Our Mother. Our mother's health is deteriorating little by little. Anymore she is in the hospital several times a month. My reactions to my fears seem to always follow the same pattern.
I get angry at everybody. I tend to pass judgement and blame and I know in my heart it is not right.
Well I have to thank my brother because he showed me that compassion is better than anger and trying to understand people is also better.
It is my natural instinct to to retaliate pain with anger. To cover it up because I feel as though that is showing strength. But to see my brother so sensitive and soft in his heart truly was a humbling experience for me. What can I say except that I hope that I can be more like that. I hope that before I speak a word I can stop and think and try to understand.
When I grow up I want to be more like my brother. BTW I am not going to mention my age teehee.

The Shabbat Queen applying it daily

I must say I was looking over this past Shabbat (Sabbath) and it came to mind that Shabbat is always reffered to as the Queen. We woman are also reffered to as a Queen. How is the Sabbath similar to the woman? We work all week and when Erev Shabbat comes we begin the preparation. We cook and clean and prepare and do everything to make us look beautiful. We calm down and rest and learn and also love. We focus on Hashem and also our families. We visit people in our community and also pray constantly.Then we enter into a rest. 24 hours and the world stops for us as we come close to Hashem.

It dawned upon that we should always apply the things we do on shabbat on a daily basis. The things we do in preperation for Shabbat we should do daily. The things we do on Shabbat we should do daily.

Don't get me wrong I am not trying to add more on your list ladies. I am speaking of the spiritual aspect.

Everything we do in preparation for Shabbat is a spiritual thing. We Pray we sing we laugh we learn we love. There is a calmness about Shabbat that we need to bring into the rest of the week.

Our families seek that rest in us during the week. But, because of life's obstacles we tend to lose our way.

So how do we bring Shabbat into our daily lives.

We need to make our home's a safe havena nd a place of rest for our families. We need to make sure that when they come home there is nowhere else that they want to be. The calmness nad serenity of the home is a must./ We should take time witht he children to treach them and set the example for them.

Daven Daily...Learn daily...keep negative influences from our

It is not easy we all struggle but... when it comes to our home's and our families after Hashem that needs to be our priority. We can become the women of Valor. The Eishet Chayil.

The New Thelma and Louise

At the Ortiz Family Reunion these 2 suspects were almost caught attempting to steal the car of a patron there attending. They are armed and dangerous with bubbles. Use caution when approaching may make high pitch screams to disable their apprehenders. If you have information regarding these two please notify your local authorities known as Mama. Thank You for your cooperation.

El Cuatro y el Jibaro

This was my gwelo/abuelo (grandfather) and he also was a a big inspiration in my life he was very sober and at times seemed not so nice but inside him was a passion for his home and his family and his music. I never quite understood him. But now as an adult I can say I at least understand him better now. Te amo mi abuelito que en paz descansa. Although this wasn't my grandpa playing it is very much what he sounded like...sit back drink a puertorican rum and coke and listen.

Plena - Ramito De ...

Caress

This is dedicated to Caress...

Sometimes we pass people everyday and do not realize what may be going on in their head. A child may seem unruly and we automatically assume they have lack of discipline. We judge people by things they say and do.
But what if we took the time to look beyond the person and maybe just take a minute of our busy schedule to just observe. To just look and see if maybe there is something to that person.
Caress has lost her family and her friends in a matter of hours. She is 9 years old and is very spunky and where her sundays best every sunday.
Noone knew what was gouing on behind closed doors.
Last night Caress sat and watched her Mother lose her mind and try to take her own life. Her mother was not taking her medication and also was in a cult. She believed that she could beat the inner demons.
Yet at any moment did anyone realize what little Caress was going through?
Why was she always hungry?
Why was she always seaking someone's attention.
I also just found out that she had been molested.
Yet the little girl played with my children and loved coming into my home.
At first I couldn't understand why.
Now I do, someone else's dysfunctional family may seem better than your own.
I guess the whole thing about this is that Caress is a victim of enviroment. Enviroment of a cult. Of her Mother's Illness and also of other people's decisions.


That Hashem would have mercy on me and that I may be more careful with my children and also other people around me.

The song below Dark Waltz is dedicated to Caress please take a minute to listen out of your busy schedule Thank You and Caress Thanks You also

"Dark Waltz"
We are the lucky ones
We shine like a thousand suns
When all of the colour runs together
I'll keep you company
In one glorious harmony
Waltzing with destiny forever
Dance me into the night
Underneath the full moon shining so bright
Turning me into the light
Time dancers whirling past
I gaze through the looking glass
And feel just beyond my grasp is heaven
Sacred geometry
Where movement is poetry
Visions of you and me forever
Dance me into the night
Underneath the full moon shining so bright
Turning me into the light
Dance me into the night
Underneath the full moon shining so bright
Let the dark waltz begin
Oh let me wheel - let me spin
Let it take me again
Turning me into the light

Sunshine Smile

Sunshine SmileJune 10th, 1987 6lbs. 9 ozA beautiful baby girl.They said that baies don't smile but you did. You looked in face and smiled.I was a young Mama and didn't always get things right. But I tried.6 months old splashing in the bath tub. What a cute little baby. You always smiled.I was a young Mama and didn't always get things right. But I tried.It all happened so fast. Next thing you know you were walking and talking at 8 months old. Your first word was "MONEY" not Mami. The only 8 month old that sat through time out in the corner when you were naughty. As if you could really be naughty. Then we went trough the toddler age. Yes baby you are the little mermaid. No one does a better Ariel than you. And no one was a better Belle on halloween. Every day you lightened my day with that sunshine smile. I bragged all day long. Noone has a smile like yours. Noone is as beautiful as my Nati.Time travels fast again. With your little braids, big glasses, and country dress. I don't think that you wore shoes for 3 years when we were in Maryland. Did I even bother to buy you a pair. Oh yeah Mary Jane's like Mama. I miss the old produce stand when you went to work with me. Hey want another cup of cocoa as we sit and fill the wood stove on a cold snowy night?Time passes again and your a young lady in a awkward stage. No baby you weren't awkward. Noone could see the beauty that Mama sees. I knew you were going to grow up to be beautiful.Time Passes. Many bad decisions on my part. Sorry baby girl...sorry.Your all grown up. You need to start life. I know but it hurts. People never get it. They don't understand. You told me Mama you weird most parents try to get rid of their kids. No honey. You leaving is a peice of my heart gone. It doesn't beat the same. It beats one time less cause it isn't complete without you here. But I know baby. You have to grow up and start your life.Time passes and you will be succesful in all you do. You will always light a room when you wallk in. You will always light up my room. You know why?Cause you have a sunshine smile.But until you come home again it feels like rain.Love you Nati!!!Miss You Mucho!!!Think of me on Shabbat I will light a candle for you.May G-d make you like Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel and LeahMay G-d Bless you and watch over youMay G-d shine his face toward you and show you favorMay G-d be favorably disposed toward youand may He grant you peace.

Ima can you read me a story

It was a rough day yesterday. I had to go to work and at the same time make sure that the children did their studies on cyber school which I had to monitor from work online. Also I have 7 apartments I have to rent out this month on my property. I also had to tend to the office issues. Regional Manager will be here in the morning and have to figure what is for dinner (Guess Peanut Butter sandwiches and chips will have to do with a cup of juice.) I also need to make sure that a load of laundry gets done. My son is throwing a Tantrum with his older sister. Eliana got into my make up again. I had to finish up whatever school they didn't do (mind you they didn't get much done.) reexamine has Hebrew school tomorrow. Did I wash his clothes?Put the children in the Bath get them ready for bed and while they are dressing I am yelling at the boy's DON"T FORGET THE SHEMA!!!!! FILL UP YOUR CUPS OF WATER!!!! DON'T PUT THEM UNDER THE BED!!I HAVE TOLD YOU THIS A MILLION TIMES YADA YADA YADA!!!! I don't have enough time...Not for the children...Not for myself....Not for anyone. Hashem help me!!!!Wow. It is 8:00 o clock my time.....My quiet time....Finally relaxation and I can do something. What? I don't know. From behind the door peers this little face. My youngest Eliana is a spunky little 3 year old. She asks in a soft voice....Ima? Can you read me a story?It is at this point in time that the Yetzer attacks. This is the type of mother you are. What good is it to provide if you can't speak softly and read the kid a story. It attacks in full force. I wont tell you everything it said cause it is pretty mean.At that point I thought to myself. Hashem...Why do you bring me revelations or enlightment if you know that I am going to do this again tomorrow. Guilt begins also at full force. Abba is so good to me. He made me realize that He doesn't put me in this situation to despair and get depressed. He puts me in this situation to be aware and try to change little at a time.Mind you I was relieved and I took 5 minutes of my time to read to me daughter and she took 25 minutes of my time to read to me. I think I heard Once upon a time 150 times last night. But it was the best story I ever heard.So remember when the Yetzer begins to attack.Hashem does not want you to be guilty...He wants you to be aware.

Better or Worse

Better or Worse

I was riding in the car with my Rebbetzin and can I tell you what a delight she is. When I first came here to Lancaster Pa I really felt scared, lost , and intimidated. I have been a single mother for quite some time now. It has been a hard road but not impossible.
I was invited to the 4th of July BBQ. When came the question...Are you bringing the children. I thought to myself. Well the boys are pretty well behaved so they will come but my youngest...hmmmm...NOT. I have failed I thought to myself. She is so undisciplined. I have let her run wild. I have made every excuse....She's the baby. How ashamed. But, no....She was not going to go to the BBQ I replied. I explained to her why and she smiled at me. She said when she is with other children she will not be naughty. (Deep inside I am thinking yeah right I know this kid) She said something to me that pierced my heart but has been with me ever since she said.
"Children never do the same as you do ...They either do better or worse."
WOW!!! I never thought of that.
We do not realize the light that we pass onto our children as a torch. They see, they follow, they mimic. They do but never the same always a step further.
Which made me wonder...What example am I setting to them. Undisciplined...What are my priorities?
Who comes first?
It hit me so hard. If I want them to do better than me then I have to invest the time in to training...Not just disciplining.
I need to teach not reprimand.
How do we learn things?
By constantly going over it in our heads. In my case writing.
If you want to learn another language or maybe a new study we read and re read we memorize we learn. That is how it becomes second nature. It is no different with the children.
They learn that they do not behave this way. They learn to be kind and honor their parents. They learn to do mitzvot. But it isn't until the get older until they understand as to why?
When I began my journey of Teshuva. I didn't know an aleph from a beis. But now I can read Hebrew. BUT...I do not completely understand what it is that I am saying. By learning and repeating is how I learn. Soon I will comprehend more and more as I get deeper and deeper and closer to Hashem.
Same is with children. They learn more and more until the can get closer also.
So my objective is not for them to do the same as me but for them to do better.
They have not known anything outside of being Jewish... Baruch Hashem!
BUT.. I want them to get closer to Hashem than I am. I want them to supersede me. I want them to be greater.
My dear son was asked once..
What do you want to be when you grow up?
He looked at them a little annoyed...A Rabbi is there anything else?
Wow...May I learn that lesson to want to be close to Hashem is there really anything else?

Will the real Superman please stand up.

Will the real Superman please stand up.

My son Yitzy was having a very hard day Last Sunday. The conversation began about Superman and where he came from. He wanted to know more and more and then I sadly busted his bubble.
"Yitzy you realize that Superman is not real?"
A silence came upon him and tears welled up in his eyes.
"I have to ask him a question."
At that point my heart sank. What would he want to ask him?
(Mind you being a sinlge Mother is not at all easy)
After 15 minutes of asking him to open up to me. He stated, " I need to know if he is real cause I wanted to ask him if he could take care of me and protect me like a Daddy is supposed to."
My heart sank even deeper.
My mind was racing back and Forth. It hit me Yes! Yes! There was a real Superman.
His eyes opened up and was full of hope.
His name was Shimshon/Samson.
He was a strong man with Superhuman strength. He was a tzaddikim(righteous man)He was a Jew just like you Yitzy.
I went to NY and searched high and low for something about Shimshon. I never really studied on him as a child and secular (even religious interpretaion) about him was wrong.
He was made out as to be arrogant and a womanizer, cocky, conceited, and a sinner.
But when I came home with this tape series which had the true version about Shimshon and I was fascinated to find out that what I was taught to me was all wrong.
He was truly a Righteous humble man. Actually he was crippled as a child and walked with a limp. He prayed Daily to Hashem. He Loved his wife until her death.(By the way she was a converted Jew not a Gentile when they were married.) He waited a year for her for the completion of her conversion. He also married Delilah and she also was a Jew(not sure if convert or not)
She did not betray him for evil intentions. It was her husband and she worried for him and figure better he be in jail than dead and the greed also but mostly for his safety.
But his strength came from Hashem. He moved mountains (literally) He tore a Lion apart like paper. He destroyed a whole army by himslef and killed 1000 men. He truly was Superhuman.
After my son heard the story and saw how righteous Shimshon was and how he did it all for Hashem. He realized that Hashem gave him the power and that he too could be a superman with prayer and love for Hashem.When Shimshon died Yitzy was sad but in his little mind understood what he had to do. He had to give his life for the people of Israel.But he thought about it Hashem gave Shimshon his power!
His new SuperHero now is Hashem cause He is stronger than Superman and Shimshon put together and He is also a Daddy to my Yitzy.
So this is dedicated to the true Superman in Yitzy's life.
Blessed be the Name of the Holy One Hashem (Yitzy's new Hero)

Gentle Boys into Gentlemen

Gentle Boys into Gentlemen

Children learn what they live, what they are taught, what they are exposed to, what they feel.
At what point in time do we not take responsibity for our children's actions. In my journey of dating and in my journey of marriage I have come to a conclusion that men have turned out the way they do, not because of the excuse at the fact they are just that way. It had to begin somewhere. Maybe they saw their father beat their mother. Or maybe their father was always out at the bar every night instead of home teaching him by example how to love his wife and children. Maybe he was a couch potatoe when mom was out working providing for the family. Maybe he was a drug addict and began at a young age. Although be it there are no true excuses for we can overcome and not be the subject to our envoroments.
My son, G-d bless him for he is such an inspiration to me to teach him. He so desperatly wants to be a gentle man. He talks of the day he will be married and provide for his wife and treat her as a queen. He opens the door for me and says "after you".He kisses my hand when he hasn't seen me all day. He takes off my shoes after I have worked a 12 hour shift. When I cry because I had a hard day which is a lot of the time he comforts me. He holds my hand and tells me, "Mama it will be ok just another day."
Aahh the wisdom of a child. Just another day. Another day to teach him how precious a woman of worth is. How precious, fargile, and delicate a woman is. How soft and gentle a touch can be to comfort in the hard times.
May he grow up to be like Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. A true man of valor and strength and honor. May he be an inspiration to all men for in a child is a pure love that can comfort even the hardest of hearts. In that small beating heart of his he has the love of a real man, yet , he is a child. He will not be afraid to tell me he loves me or cry in my presence or show his love by a dead daffodill that he picked for me. He will not judge me when I make a mistake, he will tell me its ok we can try again. If only men would learn from the boy who knows better before he is influenced by society as to what a man is.
Thank You baby Rey and little Yitzy for being the true men in my life. You inspire me to be better, to achieve success. Not material success but the success of knowing I did my job well and one day when they are older and married their wife will come to me and say "Thank You" you did a good job mama.
But it is yet a long way away til then my job is to teach them how to love the way I would want to be loved. To care the way I want to be cared for.

This is dedicated to the people I love dearly:
Philly for always hearing my pain.
Tily for always giving me pain.
And my children for always feeling my pain.