Better or Worse

Better or Worse

I was riding in the car with my Rebbetzin and can I tell you what a delight she is. When I first came here to Lancaster Pa I really felt scared, lost , and intimidated. I have been a single mother for quite some time now. It has been a hard road but not impossible.
I was invited to the 4th of July BBQ. When came the question...Are you bringing the children. I thought to myself. Well the boys are pretty well behaved so they will come but my youngest...hmmmm...NOT. I have failed I thought to myself. She is so undisciplined. I have let her run wild. I have made every excuse....She's the baby. How ashamed. But, no....She was not going to go to the BBQ I replied. I explained to her why and she smiled at me. She said when she is with other children she will not be naughty. (Deep inside I am thinking yeah right I know this kid) She said something to me that pierced my heart but has been with me ever since she said.
"Children never do the same as you do ...They either do better or worse."
WOW!!! I never thought of that.
We do not realize the light that we pass onto our children as a torch. They see, they follow, they mimic. They do but never the same always a step further.
Which made me wonder...What example am I setting to them. Undisciplined...What are my priorities?
Who comes first?
It hit me so hard. If I want them to do better than me then I have to invest the time in to training...Not just disciplining.
I need to teach not reprimand.
How do we learn things?
By constantly going over it in our heads. In my case writing.
If you want to learn another language or maybe a new study we read and re read we memorize we learn. That is how it becomes second nature. It is no different with the children.
They learn that they do not behave this way. They learn to be kind and honor their parents. They learn to do mitzvot. But it isn't until the get older until they understand as to why?
When I began my journey of Teshuva. I didn't know an aleph from a beis. But now I can read Hebrew. BUT...I do not completely understand what it is that I am saying. By learning and repeating is how I learn. Soon I will comprehend more and more as I get deeper and deeper and closer to Hashem.
Same is with children. They learn more and more until the can get closer also.
So my objective is not for them to do the same as me but for them to do better.
They have not known anything outside of being Jewish... Baruch Hashem!
BUT.. I want them to get closer to Hashem than I am. I want them to supersede me. I want them to be greater.
My dear son was asked once..
What do you want to be when you grow up?
He looked at them a little annoyed...A Rabbi is there anything else?
Wow...May I learn that lesson to want to be close to Hashem is there really anything else?